23rd Sunday in Ordinary Time
A
Most people live their lives as best as they can. They realize, hopefully, that they are surrounded by people who love them and care for them deeply. I find that this is a great motive for prayer: to pray for those who are hurting and to pray in gratitude for the constant presence and grace from God in helping myself and each person to be people of love. It is a challenge each and every day to live the life of a Christian. It is a huge challenge to love those who irritate or disturb us. It is even a greater challenge to love those who are totally concerned with themselves and don’t care about others. There have been countless books on how to deal with difficult people; and I have to know that sometimes I am that difficult person.
There was a very interesting article in the July 15, 2014 edition of The Wall Street Journal. It dealt with how to best make up after an argument. Probably the arguments that hurt me most are the ones with people I love. In this I find myself to be insensitive and often say hurtful things. Elizabeth Bernstein spoke on dealing with those arguments and healing the resultant rifts. She had spoken with psychologists, therapists and counselors on how to make up after an argument. Her responses seem to me to be right out of the mouth of Jesus if He was asked this question today.
She states that “One psychologist summarized the process this way: ‘You don’t want to avoid [conflict]. You want to manage it.’ The Journal article outlines the five steps that are necessary in doing this: 1) “Wait to talk.” I know I need time to slow down and calm myself. Perhaps my calmness will help the other…and if one stays ‘hot and bothered’ an apology will never break through. 2) “Give up the idea of being right.” This is important for me because I feel all too often that I am RIGHT. Now if I do this it means that the OTHER person is WRONG. I’m not treating them as a person with feelings. I need to concentrate on this. 3) “Verbalize your understanding of how the other person feels.” I have been trained in counseling to ask, ‘It sounds like you are hurt because….am I correct in this?’ I jump to so many assumptions that aren’t even close to reality. 4) “Quash the impulse to defend yourself.” I am ‘expert’ on trying to defend myself…why do I do this? If the other person says to me that I did behave badly…I have to ‘swallow hard’ and not disagree, just nod my head. I did…and no matter who is ‘wrong’ in this argument…there is a good degree of wrong in ME…especially in my disrespect and not responding in a loving way. 5) “Accept the fact that it will take a while to feel better.” It is important for me to check back with the other person to reestablish the lines of Christian charity, since they have probably been strained. I learned long ago that when I apologize I can’t then say BUT…!
How can I be the servant that Jesus needs me to be? How can I put the words of Paul to the Romans into practice today and each day of my life? How can I love the other person in my life and keep on loving that person by my awareness, compassion and caring? How can I continue to re-create my life each day in the love of Jesus? Paul wants me to do ‘everything out of love’…I certainly have a long way to go in this. Loving me has nothing to do with loving my ‘ego.’ It has everything to do with seeing that I am loved by God and each and every person is loved by God…do I try to find God’s love in each person?
Sunday Homily Helps has an interesting introduction and application for today’s readings: “ATTENTION-GETTER: -- Traditionally, in many places, this past week saw the beginning of a new school year, a time of bringing together new groups of students for the coming year. Every time that these new groups form, new sets of expectations are shared by teachers, starting in kindergarten and going all the way to graduate school. Those expectations range from not grabbing toys away from your fellow five-year-olds during play periods to precise, complex rules on how to write footnotes in a thesis paper so as not to ‘steal’ intellectual property from other scholars. APPPLICATION – Learning to live together and learning to learn together always involve coming to an understanding of the consequences of our behavior. When we are young those ‘prophets’ in our lives are usually parents and teachers. As we grow older, friends often become such powerful enforcers of conformity in our behavior that we all understand the term ‘peer pressure.’ But the goal that Saint Paul sets before us when he wrote to the Romans was that, as Christians, we should each seek to conform our behavior and our lives to only one expectation: love.”
So I reflect on:
- Going back in my memories I look at when I was confronted by
someone. The ones that come to mind, were they over something
important? How did I feel? Was I conscious of the other person’s
feelings? What is our relationship now?
- Now I look at the last person that I confronted…what
brought it about…what were my feelings? Was anyone supporting me?
Was there a ‘cost’ in this confrontation? What is the
relationship now?
- How is Jesus’ love of neighbor a motivating part of my
life? Jesus is telling me that this should take precedence over all
the other commandments. Does it?
- Someone once said “Everyone is an apprentice in the Gospel”
do I feel that way about me?
- How am I feeling when I am not loved as Jesus taught?
- In my ‘worshiping church’ why are there so many different
viewpoints expressed among church members? Why do I think it is so
difficult for the church to agree, especially on sensitive issues?
“Jesus
does not imagine a life full of harmony and companionship but
acknowledges the need for forgiveness, patience, and humility. I
pray that I may live in a way that forgives freely and repents
readily.
Matthew
describes a ‘safety net,’ a bottom line, an emergency drill. I
can give thinks if life is usually less acrimonious. This is itself
is a sign that the Spirit of God is present and active, helping,
healing, bringing wholeness.”
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